SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING

I wanted to make sure we keep our training initiatives moving in 1997.

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity
from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well
trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(S.H.I.T.).  We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone
else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job,
please see me.  You will be immediately placed at the top of
the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing
that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL
EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.).  Those who fail to
take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE
TRAINING (E.A.T S.H.I.T.).  Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before
they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are
all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in job training
others.  We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST
(B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).  Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get
the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY
PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF
TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)